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The Effect of Divorce on Children |
96% of the single parents in the UK are women. Their poverty rate is very high within this sector of the population, with the largest number of children on the breadline. Dropout and drug abuse rates are higher too than children from both-parent families.
There are more depressing facts and figures concerning this issue and, as a confirmation of it all, the UNICEF has recently declared the UK as the worst among the developed countries for fostering childhood. This is not a title to be proud of, and awareness on this is still very low.
The Custody Battle
When a couple is undergoing an annulment of the marriage, children often come to be regarded as ‘property’. Like the rest of the ‘objects of dispute’ they are fought over and divided. It is true that the law has repeatedly stressed on the need of attaching priority to the child’s welfare and preferences in matters of divorce and custody. And it is also true that children need the physical presence of the mother more than the father, especially if they are young. However, this does not undermine the fact that a father’s presence is equally necessary if one is to give totality to a child’s view of the world. The monetary implication of the missing father is obvious. But apart from this immediate concern, there is also the emotional requirement for a male role model.
The Father Figure
A father is an integral part of growing up, and has things to do beyond taking his son for the Sunday fishing trip, or fixing his daughter’s doll house furniture. A home where two adults live under one roof with mutual respect and affection for each other is a form of education in itself. Though it may sound terribly old-fashioned, it is a fact that children need to have both male and female guardians around to have a balanced outlook as they grow up. Strength, gentleness, compassion, tenderness, courage â€" all those old-world adjectives are still needed if the earth is to keep turning. If a child sees his mother toiling alone to bring him up, and the father relegating to an absentee after divorce, he does not really get a lesson on responsibility. The Telegraph reported conservative leader David Cameron’s reactions on this issue after the tragic shoot-out death of three teenage boys in South London. Mr. Cameron stated that fathers must be ‘compelled’ to stand by their family, since they are responsible for the child too. He also felt that the welfare of the children takes precedence over the wealth of the nation. There have been several appeals for amending the laws governing the father’s role after the mother wins custody, and the minister’s reaction only proves that things have really reached a point where action is absolutely necessary.
Boys and Girls
The need for the father figure is entwined with gender issues too. The traditional view had been that boys who grow up in the absence of their father tend to be more effeminate, are poor at sports, and not very ‘sharp’. Needless to say, this is hardly valid today. The statistics of the past year reveal that the tendency of depression is higher among girls of broken families than boys. Propensity of drug abuse and petty crimes is more among boys. Urban homelessness, vandalism, littering and dropout rates are almost uniformly distributed.
However, it is also true that girls still feel more comfortable physically when their mother is around, especially in their early teens. But the absence of an adult male also plants a deep sense of insecurity in them, often affecting their own role as mothers in the future. Boys often look upon their father as a ‘friend’ during their growing years, and have difficulty in treating their mother as a ‘confidante’ with the same ease. The inability to safely confide in an adult is a problem among all children of broken families, and frustration often builds up in them on account of the lack of people to talk to. This can find an outlet in vandalism, gang wars, or inflicting pain on oneself â€" including heavy drinking. For young children, the confusion and insecurity levels are very high. Almost all children have had problems with their studies during their parent’s separation. The absence of a father is acutely felt by them, even if they do not have the power to express it. Young children have shown symptoms of feeling ‘left out’ and ‘different’ after the trauma, and most feel abandoned when the father does not come home everyday.
There are support groups, friends and family counsellors. But when ‘daddy’ goes missing, a gap is created that cannot be filled.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information about getting a <a href="http://www.quickie-divorce.com">Divorce</a> see http://www.quickie-divorce.com/divorce-option2.html
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