My husband is not interested and will not touch me. His testosterone levels are normal. He says he is not cheating. He says he is just tired but finds energy to do all his hobbies. Last night it got so bad that I tore my shirt off in front of him in a desperate frenzie and put his hands on my breasts and cried "why don't you want me". He knows he is killing me but he wont even try to fake wanting to make love to me. What is wrong with me? I am not ugly, I get hit on all the time by men of all ages, even 20 year olds, I am 35. I am very clean about my body. I am not inhibited sexually and have told him that I would try anything he wants. He wantches the pain he puts me through and still doesn't even try. After last night he says that he can't stand seeing me this torn up and if staying with him is hurting me that much then I need to go, if I need to. What can I do? I don't want to leave but I know eventually I will turn to someone else if for no other reason to just see if there is anything wrong with me. He says he can see how insecure this is making me but still does nothing. Missy
Advice: May I suggest that the two of you together plan a weekend away from everyone and everything (including his hobbies). It should be for TWO nights, not just one night. It should be a time for the two of you just to enjoy being together. For the first day and even the first night, just let him unwind and relax. Then on the second day take a few walks, do a few simple things together. Have an enjoyable dinner together. Then let the evening become more romantic. Try not to push him, rather let him take the lead (or at lest feel he is taking the lead). The thing is to build up his ego and feeling of being a man and husband. When to do this I'm not sure. Should it be before you see a counselor or after. In some respects I tend to feel it should be after at least a few sessions with a counselor. I wish the both of you the best.
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